Runyon therapy.
Well, tomorrow morning I go in for my ultrasound to determine whether or not I might have cancer. Either the lump I found will be a harmless cyst, thanks for coming in and have a nice life, or a solid mass which would require a biopsy to find out if it's cancerous or not. O, the joys of life!
Ever since my disasterous attempt to re-connect with an old girlfriend I have been obsessed with hiking Runyon Canyon. I'll tune my IPod to this fantastic mix that I made, dubbed "A Wistful Lullaby in Melancholy," and go for a two hour hike in the early afternoon and then for an hour-ish hike at sunset. Hiking those trails has been the best therapy I've ever allowed myself to have, because my hikes are no longer about excercise, they're about being in the moment, moving through space and time, listening to my music and just existing. Cancer-smancer, I'm livin' baby!! At least I'm trying to.
Here's a new one, I have a problem looking people in the eye. I'm not sure where this one originated, but it's a definite problem. Whenever I look someone in the eye that I don't know or I'm revealing something about myself to someone I do know, it takes a supreme amount of will to maintain eye contact. Now imagine having this problem and then trying to add a smile to that eye contact. Well, for me that's a near impossiblity. All I know is that there is this fear that wells up whenever I get too close to someone, and for strangers too close means eye contact. The buck doesn't stop there though. I also have this problem with asserting myself. I've always gravitated towards the "go with the flow" position in realtionships of all kinds, whether that be family, friends, work, authority figures, or romantic relationships. It's almost like I've trained myself not to rock the boat unless I really have a problem with the direction that the boat is taking, which isn't that often. Anyway, that's another thing I'm trying to work on.
As far as the eye contact thing goes, I've been working on that during my Runyon hikes. There are a lot of people up there and I am actively trying to make eye contact and smile to every person I see. I'm working on letting it be okay if they don't smile back and trying to realize that's their deal and has nothing to do with me. Suprisingly, especially over the last few days, it's actually been working. All of a sudden it's starting to not be the end of the world if someone doesn't want to smile back. Although, it definitely did kick ass when Kirsten Dunst smiled back at me; that was a nice ego boost for the day(= Another thing that has changed in the last few days is that I've started to find it not only easier, but more enjoyable to stand up straight, even when hiking up the slopes of Runyon. Not so suprisingly, this has also increased the number of smile backs I've been getting.
So here's to standing up straight, a little eye contact, a few smiles, and what wiil hopefully be, come tomorrow, a cancer free life. Cheers!
Ever since my disasterous attempt to re-connect with an old girlfriend I have been obsessed with hiking Runyon Canyon. I'll tune my IPod to this fantastic mix that I made, dubbed "A Wistful Lullaby in Melancholy," and go for a two hour hike in the early afternoon and then for an hour-ish hike at sunset. Hiking those trails has been the best therapy I've ever allowed myself to have, because my hikes are no longer about excercise, they're about being in the moment, moving through space and time, listening to my music and just existing. Cancer-smancer, I'm livin' baby!! At least I'm trying to.
Here's a new one, I have a problem looking people in the eye. I'm not sure where this one originated, but it's a definite problem. Whenever I look someone in the eye that I don't know or I'm revealing something about myself to someone I do know, it takes a supreme amount of will to maintain eye contact. Now imagine having this problem and then trying to add a smile to that eye contact. Well, for me that's a near impossiblity. All I know is that there is this fear that wells up whenever I get too close to someone, and for strangers too close means eye contact. The buck doesn't stop there though. I also have this problem with asserting myself. I've always gravitated towards the "go with the flow" position in realtionships of all kinds, whether that be family, friends, work, authority figures, or romantic relationships. It's almost like I've trained myself not to rock the boat unless I really have a problem with the direction that the boat is taking, which isn't that often. Anyway, that's another thing I'm trying to work on.
As far as the eye contact thing goes, I've been working on that during my Runyon hikes. There are a lot of people up there and I am actively trying to make eye contact and smile to every person I see. I'm working on letting it be okay if they don't smile back and trying to realize that's their deal and has nothing to do with me. Suprisingly, especially over the last few days, it's actually been working. All of a sudden it's starting to not be the end of the world if someone doesn't want to smile back. Although, it definitely did kick ass when Kirsten Dunst smiled back at me; that was a nice ego boost for the day(= Another thing that has changed in the last few days is that I've started to find it not only easier, but more enjoyable to stand up straight, even when hiking up the slopes of Runyon. Not so suprisingly, this has also increased the number of smile backs I've been getting.
So here's to standing up straight, a little eye contact, a few smiles, and what wiil hopefully be, come tomorrow, a cancer free life. Cheers!
posted by phoenixfirerising19 | 11:04 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home