The Session: Part I
I went to see Janet for two reasons: the first being that I have been blocked emotionally for some time and was hoping for a release from that and second that I had a fear of the moment. There was something inside me that would cause anxiety to rise up whenever I found myself in a real moment in which I knew inside that I needed to take action. I would run from that moment almost every time if given the opportunity. I told her that these were the things that I had determined to resolve by year’s end. I truly believe that the path I had begun to walk at the beginning of the year had, through many subtle turns, led me to her doorstep. If not for many small signs and decisions, I would never have found out about her or, even if I had, I never would have gone to see her because it was simply not something I would never have given any credit to even a year ago. However, I am so glad that I found her as she, through her guides, opened my eyes to myself and I finally understood who I am. The funny thing is that I never would have imagined that it would be that easy. Anyway, enough rambling, let me get on with what occurred during our 3 ½ hour session.
Once I answered the question of why I was there, she asked me if I was ready to begin and I said yes. She then took out a sheet of paper upon which she said she would write down the contracts and agreements that I had made prior to beginning this lifetime. Everything that I tell you here, Janet was told through her spiritual guides, or angels, if you will. A side note on the communion between Janet and her guides. She said that we do not speak the same language, which makes communication difficult, and thus they speak to her through images and intuition, and not through a voice that she hears in her head. Now, according to her we give ourselves a challenge to overcome during any given lifetime and the purpose of this challenge is to grow spiritually as a result of it, kind of like how we go to the gym in order to grow physically.
So, for this lifetime I decided that I would challenge myself with Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. She used the old saying of “getting all of your ducks in a row” in order to explain the meaning of this. She said that most people get all of their ducks in a row in preparation for making their next move. I, on the other hand, have my main duck out ahead of me in a clear and defined position of where I want to go. However, all of my other ducks are either sleeping, scratching themselves or standing in one place spinning in a circle. This all resulted in it taking me a longer period of time to move from one step to the next and evolve. She also said that this created a big hoopla up there as no one had ever thought of that one before.
Here we were at the beginning of the process and already my entire life began to make more sense. All of the struggles that I have been through, all of the extra time it has taken me to move from one place to the next and the seeming inability to be able to do it in a timely manner, has been the challenge that I bestowed upon myself before I ever held the spark of life. Hell, I was even born like 3 weeks late! What a revelation!
She then went on to tell me about the agreements that I had made, of which there were five for this lifetime. The first agreement was with my mother, which was that she resisted my self expression. She said that although my self expression was never hampered, it was not given much encouragement or support either. Again, here was another interesting revelation because I have always had a difficult time expressing myself, especially when I’m required to express myself to another person. It is also imperative that the reader understand that this is not a placement of blame and I do not have any ill feelings due to this revelation. I am writing this as a testament to my own self-healing and do not want any hurt feelings as a result of anything written here as that would be diametric to my intentions.
When we came to the second agreement she needed my help in determining the person with whom this agreement was made. She told me that they were given her the image of a boy around the age of five or six years old and that he lived on my street. She said this boy was very handsome and a jock or quarterback type, who was very masculine and grounded in who he was. She said that he was only in my life for a brief period and that during that time he had a profound impact on me. At first I thought it was my friend Steve Wilson, as he lived down the street from me and was born a few months away from me and we had grown up together. However he didn’t fit the description and I had to delve further into my memory to find this kid.
It was then that I realized that I had moved into my second house around the time that I was five years old and moved on to my third and final house around the time that I was six years old. Hmmm, that seemed to exactly fit the time frame I was given for this kid. Then my mind went to this kid down the street from me that I would pal around with a little whose name was Jamie. However, he didn’t really fit the description either. Then I remembered the boy who lived across the street from me. I didn’t hang out with him very often, although I did look up to him quite a bit and he completely fit the description. His name was Josh.
It’s funny because I can’t even recall the last time I had thought about that kid. I remember really liking him and thinking that he was really cool. He was completely comfortable with who he was and not at all self-conscious. She told me that he was the boy who taught me how to steal cookies out of the cookie jar. She said this figuratively, but the funniest thing happened. When she told me this a long forgotten memory rose to the surface of my mind and I remembered being in his kitchen and his mom was in another room. He pointed up to the top of the fridge, upon which rested and old-fashioned cookie jar. He told me that he knew how to get cookies out of it and that he could show me how to do it. I remember thinking this was a bad idea because only adults were allowed to get cookies out of the cookie jar and not kids. He told me that it was easy. Then he grabbed a chair and put it next to the counter and he climbed on top of the chair, onto the counter, took the lid off of the cookie jar, and took out two cookies, which he handed to me. Then he got down and replaced the chair. I gave him his cookie and he told me that now that I knew the secret it would be my job to get the cookies next time. This was my first realization that I could do things on my own. Crazy.
She told me that Josh was the catalyst that caused a split in my evolution. Before he arrived, I was just me, and moved through the world being happy with who I was. When he showed up I became friends with someone who embodied what a boy was “supposed” to be. Through him I saw that I was different, and that if I wanted to “fit in” I would need to be more like him. After that I began to become very self-conscious of what I looked like and how I behaved. I remember seeing a photograph from Josh’s birthday party that I went to at his house. It was a picture of all of the kids watching Josh open his presents. I stood there watching like I always did, with my hands on my hips. That had always been the most natural and comfortable position for me to stand in. I remember so vividly seeing that picture and hating the way I looked standing that way. I mean I hated it. It was my first true moment of self-consciousness, the first of what would become a lifetime of self-consciousness. I was the only boy who had his hands on his hips and I remember realizing that I looked different and I hated it so much that I decided then and there, at the age of 6ish, that I would never stand that way again. It took me more than a year to finally become comfortable with not putting my hands on my hips.
Janet told me that Josh, or someone similar, showed up in a majority of my lifetimes and each time he would only be around for a short period of time and when he left my perception of myself in the world was always turned upside down. She told me that in this lifetime, Josh caused a split in my evolutionary growth and that after he left this time, my spiritual evolution took one path and my physical, 3-dimensional evolution took another. He was the catalyst for my Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. Let me tell you, my mind was being blown away by how much everything she was saying made sense to me. It was uncanny!
My third agreement was with the Angels of Evolution. Here I really decided to screw myself because not only did I make a contract to experience this lifetime under a Lack of Synchronistic Evolution, but I also made an agreement to take little to no help from the Angels of Evolution. I made absolutely sure that it would be up to me to find a way out of the hole that I dug for myself before I was even born!
My fourth agreement was with God. He signed off on my contract to experience a Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. You know, I can not stop writing Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. It has such a beautiful ring to me, I love it!
My final agreement was with my Soulmate. We made an agreement before this life began that we would not find each other until I had evolved from my Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. Janet told me that when people see my soulmate and I together they are overcome with the realization that we are the example of what a relationship is supposed to be. She said that we are opposite in every way, that what each of us lack the other has in abundance. Janet told me that she is in Los Angeles somewhere, that we may have already met, and that she would “see” me once I had evolved to my next level, which was basically now, since by undergoing this process we were going to void these contracts and agreements in order to free me to continue my evolution in a synchronistic manner. She also said that by deciding to hold off meeting my soulmate I afforded many other people to be happy in their relationships, because once we find each other then most relationships will look pale next to ours. At the end of our session, Janet thanked me for doing this with a palpable sincerity and emotion, so much so that I became shy and bashful; I think I may have even blushed.
She then had me sign my name in the air and she applied my spiritual signature to the bottom of the contract and each of the agreements and declared them each null and void. I am now free to live this lifetime with a clean slate.
Once I answered the question of why I was there, she asked me if I was ready to begin and I said yes. She then took out a sheet of paper upon which she said she would write down the contracts and agreements that I had made prior to beginning this lifetime. Everything that I tell you here, Janet was told through her spiritual guides, or angels, if you will. A side note on the communion between Janet and her guides. She said that we do not speak the same language, which makes communication difficult, and thus they speak to her through images and intuition, and not through a voice that she hears in her head. Now, according to her we give ourselves a challenge to overcome during any given lifetime and the purpose of this challenge is to grow spiritually as a result of it, kind of like how we go to the gym in order to grow physically.
So, for this lifetime I decided that I would challenge myself with Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. She used the old saying of “getting all of your ducks in a row” in order to explain the meaning of this. She said that most people get all of their ducks in a row in preparation for making their next move. I, on the other hand, have my main duck out ahead of me in a clear and defined position of where I want to go. However, all of my other ducks are either sleeping, scratching themselves or standing in one place spinning in a circle. This all resulted in it taking me a longer period of time to move from one step to the next and evolve. She also said that this created a big hoopla up there as no one had ever thought of that one before.
Here we were at the beginning of the process and already my entire life began to make more sense. All of the struggles that I have been through, all of the extra time it has taken me to move from one place to the next and the seeming inability to be able to do it in a timely manner, has been the challenge that I bestowed upon myself before I ever held the spark of life. Hell, I was even born like 3 weeks late! What a revelation!
She then went on to tell me about the agreements that I had made, of which there were five for this lifetime. The first agreement was with my mother, which was that she resisted my self expression. She said that although my self expression was never hampered, it was not given much encouragement or support either. Again, here was another interesting revelation because I have always had a difficult time expressing myself, especially when I’m required to express myself to another person. It is also imperative that the reader understand that this is not a placement of blame and I do not have any ill feelings due to this revelation. I am writing this as a testament to my own self-healing and do not want any hurt feelings as a result of anything written here as that would be diametric to my intentions.
When we came to the second agreement she needed my help in determining the person with whom this agreement was made. She told me that they were given her the image of a boy around the age of five or six years old and that he lived on my street. She said this boy was very handsome and a jock or quarterback type, who was very masculine and grounded in who he was. She said that he was only in my life for a brief period and that during that time he had a profound impact on me. At first I thought it was my friend Steve Wilson, as he lived down the street from me and was born a few months away from me and we had grown up together. However he didn’t fit the description and I had to delve further into my memory to find this kid.
It was then that I realized that I had moved into my second house around the time that I was five years old and moved on to my third and final house around the time that I was six years old. Hmmm, that seemed to exactly fit the time frame I was given for this kid. Then my mind went to this kid down the street from me that I would pal around with a little whose name was Jamie. However, he didn’t really fit the description either. Then I remembered the boy who lived across the street from me. I didn’t hang out with him very often, although I did look up to him quite a bit and he completely fit the description. His name was Josh.
It’s funny because I can’t even recall the last time I had thought about that kid. I remember really liking him and thinking that he was really cool. He was completely comfortable with who he was and not at all self-conscious. She told me that he was the boy who taught me how to steal cookies out of the cookie jar. She said this figuratively, but the funniest thing happened. When she told me this a long forgotten memory rose to the surface of my mind and I remembered being in his kitchen and his mom was in another room. He pointed up to the top of the fridge, upon which rested and old-fashioned cookie jar. He told me that he knew how to get cookies out of it and that he could show me how to do it. I remember thinking this was a bad idea because only adults were allowed to get cookies out of the cookie jar and not kids. He told me that it was easy. Then he grabbed a chair and put it next to the counter and he climbed on top of the chair, onto the counter, took the lid off of the cookie jar, and took out two cookies, which he handed to me. Then he got down and replaced the chair. I gave him his cookie and he told me that now that I knew the secret it would be my job to get the cookies next time. This was my first realization that I could do things on my own. Crazy.
She told me that Josh was the catalyst that caused a split in my evolution. Before he arrived, I was just me, and moved through the world being happy with who I was. When he showed up I became friends with someone who embodied what a boy was “supposed” to be. Through him I saw that I was different, and that if I wanted to “fit in” I would need to be more like him. After that I began to become very self-conscious of what I looked like and how I behaved. I remember seeing a photograph from Josh’s birthday party that I went to at his house. It was a picture of all of the kids watching Josh open his presents. I stood there watching like I always did, with my hands on my hips. That had always been the most natural and comfortable position for me to stand in. I remember so vividly seeing that picture and hating the way I looked standing that way. I mean I hated it. It was my first true moment of self-consciousness, the first of what would become a lifetime of self-consciousness. I was the only boy who had his hands on his hips and I remember realizing that I looked different and I hated it so much that I decided then and there, at the age of 6ish, that I would never stand that way again. It took me more than a year to finally become comfortable with not putting my hands on my hips.
Janet told me that Josh, or someone similar, showed up in a majority of my lifetimes and each time he would only be around for a short period of time and when he left my perception of myself in the world was always turned upside down. She told me that in this lifetime, Josh caused a split in my evolutionary growth and that after he left this time, my spiritual evolution took one path and my physical, 3-dimensional evolution took another. He was the catalyst for my Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. Let me tell you, my mind was being blown away by how much everything she was saying made sense to me. It was uncanny!
My third agreement was with the Angels of Evolution. Here I really decided to screw myself because not only did I make a contract to experience this lifetime under a Lack of Synchronistic Evolution, but I also made an agreement to take little to no help from the Angels of Evolution. I made absolutely sure that it would be up to me to find a way out of the hole that I dug for myself before I was even born!
My fourth agreement was with God. He signed off on my contract to experience a Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. You know, I can not stop writing Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. It has such a beautiful ring to me, I love it!
My final agreement was with my Soulmate. We made an agreement before this life began that we would not find each other until I had evolved from my Lack of Synchronistic Evolution. Janet told me that when people see my soulmate and I together they are overcome with the realization that we are the example of what a relationship is supposed to be. She said that we are opposite in every way, that what each of us lack the other has in abundance. Janet told me that she is in Los Angeles somewhere, that we may have already met, and that she would “see” me once I had evolved to my next level, which was basically now, since by undergoing this process we were going to void these contracts and agreements in order to free me to continue my evolution in a synchronistic manner. She also said that by deciding to hold off meeting my soulmate I afforded many other people to be happy in their relationships, because once we find each other then most relationships will look pale next to ours. At the end of our session, Janet thanked me for doing this with a palpable sincerity and emotion, so much so that I became shy and bashful; I think I may have even blushed.
She then had me sign my name in the air and she applied my spiritual signature to the bottom of the contract and each of the agreements and declared them each null and void. I am now free to live this lifetime with a clean slate.
posted by phoenixfirerising19 | 3:01 PM
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