a crack in the door...

I was just online submitting my headshot to a casting and as I was looking at the photo an interesting line of thought emerged, so I decided to follow it. While looking at the photo I suddenly thought to myself, "I have a lot of girl in me." The best way I can think of to describe the source of this thought is that I've always preferred watching a good tear-jerker over watching some boring old football game. This has caused a great deal of angst in my life because I couldn't relate with a lot of the guys I knew in school because one of their main foci was always sports for which I had very little aptitude and no interest. I've always preferred books and movies to sports, which unforunately wasn't one of the most social of extracurricular activity. One of the fallouts of this is that I never learned how to pursue a woman and it never just came to me either. I suck at it. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I am lacking in a lot of the typical male qualities that women are generally attracted to and they end up picking up a 'friend' vibe instead of an 'I'm into you' vibe from me. So I end up with a lot of friends who are girls and few girlfriends. However, the girlfriends I have had have always had the aggressiveness and sex drive of what you would typically find in a man. This is interesting because they were able to pick up on my version of signals and I got them to pursue me. This is an odd place to be for a man because I feel very awkward in the position of the pursuer, I much prefer being pursued. So, basically, I've come to the conclusion I need to start meeting more lesbians.